I have been reminded today about how we so easily hold on to shame, to pain, to negative emotions. We can even let those things define us, or at the very least, steal our peace.
A woman anoints Jesus
I was reading the account of the woman who came and anointed Jesus with her tears and precious oil, whilst He was reclining at table in Simon the Pharisee’s house. (Luke 7:36-50) As I read I saw something that I hadn’t seen before. She, a known sinner, had come weeping and broken, to lavish her adoration on Jesus. He perceived Simon’s judgement of her and told a parable about two debtors, one who owned a much larger amount than the other. Which, He asked Simon, when forgiven their debt, would love the one who forgave them more? The one who owed more, he replied.
Jesus implied that the woman pouring out her love on Him, did so because she knew how much she had been forgiven. And yet it isn’t until after she has anointed Him that He turns to her and says the words, ‘Your sins are forgiven.’
Confused
I was confused. Was this woman’s act one of repentance – or one of gratitude? Did she come broken and weeping because she knew she needed forgiveness, or with tears of joy because she knew she had been forgiven?
So, I asked God about it.
The answer He gave made perfect sense. She came both repentant and thankful. She knew Jesus could forgive her, had forgiven her, but she was still sorrowful over her sin. He spoke forgiveness over her again – not just as a witness to those listening, but as a public reassurance that she was indeed free from her past. Her faith in Him had done it all – she could go in peace. She needed to accept what He had done for her.
A dog with a toy
Shame can bring such brokenness into our lives. Our sin choices can leave us thinking less of ourselves, despising ourselves even. Pain can cling to us – perhaps because of things done to us, or things we have had to endure. Offense, unforgiveness, trauma. These things can steal our peace.
As I was thinking and praying through these things, my dog was trying to get my attention. Now she is very cute, and we love her dearly, so of course I welcomed her into my space. She brought with her a battered squeaky toy in the shape of a gingerbread man – one of her favourite playthings. A game ensued. She handed it to me but wouldn’t let it go. We had to do a bit of tug o’ war before she would relinquish it, and then I would throw it some distance away. Immediately she dashed over and picked it up, bringing it back to me, and starting the whole process over again. Playful tugging and pulling, finally giving up, waiting for me to throw it, and then retrieving it and bringing it back.
Reluctant to let go
I realise God had given me the perfect illustration. Sometimes we come to Him with our burdens, the things we know we would like to be free of. We come in trust and love, but as He reaches out to take them from us, we instinctively grab on tightly and tug them back. Finally, He persuades us to release them and He throws them away. But we can’t help ourselves – we go running after them and take hold of them again. When He just wants us to leave them where He threw them!
I think this particularly applies to guilt and shame. Maybe, like that woman in Luke 7, we can’t quite believe that God’s mercy and grace are so vast that we can be forgiven, however great our sin. Perhaps we feel so undeserving of His forgiveness that we struggle to fully accept it. Holding onto shame feels right, because it reminds us of how unworthy we are, and how perfectly good He is.
But that is not what He wants for us. It wasn’t what Jesus wanted for that woman. He wanted her to walk out of the room knowing that she was free, cleansed, made perfect and whole, because of her faith in Him. He wanted her to be at peace – in the depths of her soul, and to go on living in that peace.
What am I holding on to?
So I wonder if this speaks to you, as it has to me?
What am I holding on to that God wants me to give over to Him?
Is it shame, or some other painful thing? A burden that I carry because I feel I deserve it?
He whispers,
‘Give it to me. It is done. Let it go. Go in peace.’
Joy Margetts is a published author and blogger. Her heart is to share God’s heart for the broken; His love that pursues us, truth that frees us and hope that heals us. Her novels are set in medieval Wales against the backdrop of Cistercian abbey life, and tell stories of faith, hope and God’s redemptive power. She has also published two devotionals based on the person and work of Jesus.
More information on Joy, and her books can be found here
